Thursday, September 17, 2009

Down in the Dumps

I am so tired of feeling this way. I am tired of being bored by myself all day and then yearning for the peacefulness after the kids come home. I enjoy them being home, I just hate the arguing and complaining or the laziness. That seems like a lot to dislike when they are home, but not when all 3 seems to fulfill one of each at minimum!

Katie's birthday is Friday. I am a terrible mom, I am not having a party for her. I refuse to give her something she wants right now with all she does daily. Everyday she says she hates me. Everyday she says if I don't let her do something or if I make her sit or stay, or if I hit her she is going to call 911 on me. EVERY DAY!!!! She comes home in a good mood, gives me her school stuff, then wants to go outside. If I tell her no, it starts. If I don't let her have something, it starts! Tonight, she punched Zach in the face! All because she took his seat so she asked him to scoot over, she did not want to move and because he sat there anyway, she punched him!

Trying to "talk" to G is difficult to say the least. One, I believe I should not weigh him down with this stuff, but right now I have no one I really want to talk to about this. I don't want the advice, I just want it to go away. This is my 4th child, my second one that has acted like this. I know what I am suppose to do and how I am suppose to act and what not to give in to and all that great stuff....but this came out of the blue and I don't honestly know where or how to begin. Two, this is his baby girl. I should know how to deal with this and not have such a difficult time with this since I did it with Zach. That is what he said to me tonight!

Zach was draining on me. He still is! Zach caused me anger and fear, heartache, silent arguments within my marriage, hatred towards my child at one point...I have no desire to go through that emotional turmoil again. I have loved this child and yes, babied her and spoiled her and she has been our baby...but this came from nowhere. After her accident, she became very sensitive, but this is much more.

So, I have an appt on Wed for a therapist for Katie. I have to go first and meet with the lady and Katie will go to the next appt. Hopefully this begins to do something positive. I need something positive in my life right now.

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