Sunday, September 20, 2009

Only You Can Love Me This Way - Keith Urban

Well, I know there’s a reason
And I know there’s a rhyme
We were meant to be together
That’s why
We can roll with the punches
We can stroll hand in hand
And when I say it’s forever
You understand

That you’re always in my heart
You’re always on my mind
And when it all becomes too much
You’re never far behind
And there’s no one that comes close to you
Could ever take your place
‘Cause only you can love me this way

I could’ve turned a different corner
I could’ve gone another place
But I’d a-never had this feeling
That I feel today

And you’re always in my heart
You’re always on my mind
When it all becomes too much
You’re never far behind
And there’s no one that comes close to you
Could ever take your place
‘Cause only can love me this way


Na na, somebody love you

And you’re always in my heart
You’re always on my mind
And when it all becomes too much
You’re never far behind
And there’s no one that comes close to you
Could ever take your place
‘Cause only you can love me this way

Only you can love me this way

New Site...New Outlook....

I found a site through Facebook and a great friend. Hoping to give me a boost during this deployment! Also, a new book I think if I don't "win" I will be purchasing!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Down in the Dumps

I am so tired of feeling this way. I am tired of being bored by myself all day and then yearning for the peacefulness after the kids come home. I enjoy them being home, I just hate the arguing and complaining or the laziness. That seems like a lot to dislike when they are home, but not when all 3 seems to fulfill one of each at minimum!

Katie's birthday is Friday. I am a terrible mom, I am not having a party for her. I refuse to give her something she wants right now with all she does daily. Everyday she says she hates me. Everyday she says if I don't let her do something or if I make her sit or stay, or if I hit her she is going to call 911 on me. EVERY DAY!!!! She comes home in a good mood, gives me her school stuff, then wants to go outside. If I tell her no, it starts. If I don't let her have something, it starts! Tonight, she punched Zach in the face! All because she took his seat so she asked him to scoot over, she did not want to move and because he sat there anyway, she punched him!

Trying to "talk" to G is difficult to say the least. One, I believe I should not weigh him down with this stuff, but right now I have no one I really want to talk to about this. I don't want the advice, I just want it to go away. This is my 4th child, my second one that has acted like this. I know what I am suppose to do and how I am suppose to act and what not to give in to and all that great stuff....but this came out of the blue and I don't honestly know where or how to begin. Two, this is his baby girl. I should know how to deal with this and not have such a difficult time with this since I did it with Zach. That is what he said to me tonight!

Zach was draining on me. He still is! Zach caused me anger and fear, heartache, silent arguments within my marriage, hatred towards my child at one point...I have no desire to go through that emotional turmoil again. I have loved this child and yes, babied her and spoiled her and she has been our baby...but this came from nowhere. After her accident, she became very sensitive, but this is much more.

So, I have an appt on Wed for a therapist for Katie. I have to go first and meet with the lady and Katie will go to the next appt. Hopefully this begins to do something positive. I need something positive in my life right now.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Gonna fill this up!

I am soooo gonna fill up this blog in this nest year! I can see it now! With no one to rescue me, to comfort me, to help me keep my sanity, I have to find a way to get this all out! Here it is, 11:40pm on a Sunday and Katie has just now decided that she is going to quit fighting going to bed and fighting with me! Since 8:15 when I told her to get her pajamas on, she started the "you're so mean; stop being grumpy; no wonder everyone hates you; I want daddy; I'm not going to school; I'm not going to sleep". Yes, really, all that! The other day because she thought she was "helping" by bring her clothes upstairs that I folded and instead she has them shoved in drawers, chairs, behind the door, under her bed, and I told her to get them cleaned up before going outside...she decided tot ell me she was going outside and she would climb out on the roof! She took her screen partially out! I literally had to stand guard outside her door! What is wrong with this child all of a sudden? She laughs at soap in her mouth. She pretends to be crying with no tears and the annoying low pitched "waaahhh" and adds the "I want my daddy" in there. She runs from me because she knows she is going to get in trouble...literally runs from me, through the house screaming and hides. She did it in front of people.

I look like an ass letting my child do this. I already had one child do this to me for years. I know I am not a horrid parent and I know my parenting is not perfect, but geez, WTH am I suppose to do????

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Screaming on the Inside

My house has been so loud this week and right now. Yes, quiet when the kids are in school, but when they are all together, they are arguing and fighting and now screaming! I had such a quiet summer. Why do they now have to argue? I can point the finger at one person added to the mixture and that would be Zach being home. He is so bossy and so negative and just kind of an asshole. He and Katie fight, he and Jordan fight and talk about nosy! Went to a fun day with the community today and he had to sit up my ass so he could be in the middle of all the adult conversations. The first hours of him being back was in the car going to my sister's he and Katie bickered and faught back and forth til I screamed for them to shut up and they still didn't! My mother was in the car and just wanted to bust out laughing.

The radio on all night...the computer extremely loud...the clothes and blankets left all over...just it was so peaceful. Maybe it will get better...but it better be soon cause I am ready to say c'ya!

Thursday, September 10, 2009


One is depressed and won't do anything about it. Not that a lot can really be done without complications, but still.

Another is trying to be man of the house. I don;t need a man of the house, I am a mom and I will deal. Just get over it already!

Daughter of mine has become a walking brat and attitude! So hard to ignore but I have to before I break and do something I will regret later.

Yes, another child has become quite the attitude as well. Have I really been such a pushover for all these years that you believe you can walk on me daily?

The estranged is totally estranged now and my doing. I think they believe it is easy for me to turn my back and my heart away. Life will creep up on you quicker than you think.

Bros and sis...making the best of life. I see them pretty regularly and it is nice. Helped sis in her house, enjoy the time with her and her family. Lil bro doing better after his July dilema but has a ways to go; he will survive! Lil'est bro has 2 beautiful babies on their way home from the NICU after only a short stay. They are beautiful and he will make a great, over-protective daddy.

Mom...has become a great friend and someone I talk to almost daily. Finally have that part of my life that I have wanted.

Dad...has become quiet and distant. Can't fix or help when incommunicado! Not going to track him down though, I barely remember to brush my hair daily these days so can't remember to call til it is late.

I guess there are good things and bad things. Why do the good things seem to overpower the bad? So weird how we focus on the negative. There is so much more going on, but don't wanna drag it must go on!