Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Haven't posted anything in a long time. I was pretty much told to shut up, no one wants to hear/see it. I don't do it for anyone but me. I use it as a release. Let's just say right now, I need the release. I am so sick and tired of playing games with my life to make everyone else's life better. Right now, I wish I wasn't here. I could care less! No one gives a real shit about me and my feelings. Make everyone else happy, pay everything, clean everything, console everyone, be the go-between, take me back, advise me, and all this time doing these things, DON'T THINK ABOUT YOURSELF! Do you know the guilt that is felt when I do take time for myself and don't do for someone else? Hell no, cause no one in my family has ever done that, especially for me! I am so tired of feeling worthless, useless, friendless, unappreciated, used, taken advantage of. No one listens to me, but you can damn well bitch to me! Does anyone see me at all? Do you see how FAT I am? Do you see how UNHAPPY I am? Do you see the stress? Do you CARE???? I'm tired, I'm done. I don't care anymore. Let me sit and waste away into nothing. Use and abuse me until I am gone. If I wasn't such a chicken, I would end it now, then you could all go on with your lives without me being a burden for what you want. You wouldn't hear me complain about being unhappy, about lifestyle choices, about your deadbeat boyfriend, about your negligent parenting, about not liking your job or not having a place to live, not wanting to move here or move there, having to be with your girlfriend 24/7, not wanting chores, not talking to me for over 3 years with no explanation, hate me! I don't fucking care anymore! Have great lives!