October = Terrible Month

This month seems to be just plain awful for me. It just needs to be over again already. My birthday came and went without much of anything...I was miserable. I did go to dinner with Kerry and had endless shrimp, which was yummy and a nice break from the kids. Kerry and I spend alot of time together with the guys gone, but it may be too much of a good thing? Disagreements and on each others nerves, ya know...can put a damper on a friendship. I don't want that to happen so I think I will back off.

G being in Iraq does not make life easier. He has made inquiries about my feelings towards him going back into the Infantry and going back to Bragg. That is a stresser in itself. Do you see how many Infantry guys are getting killed in Afghanistan? That is where he will go if we go back to Bragg. He has also been formally accused by the CSM of inappropriate behavior with a female soldier that he goes to the gym with, eats with, and hangs out with. Did I think things were OK...yeah! Was I worried...NO! Am I now..no, just pissed at the whole thing. He has always said that once he got this rank, he wasn't going to sit quietly by...well, he is. That is just plain frustrating to me. While at Bragg, for years he took the bullshit and it use to piss me off day in and day out. It seems that it is starting all over again, yet this time it has a little more at stake.

I need to just separate myself from him and his work. I need to just stay out of it, not know anything, let the FRG stuff go, and just try to do what I do all day and that is wait to talk to him and deal with kids. You know, there are times I am so jealous of him being there...lets go to the gym and for a run because I am stressed...yeah sure. That would be so nice to do...but then I get to come back to the same stuff that is stressing me out and have nothing changed so what was the use?! Yes, think of him, feel for him, he is in danger, he can be shot at and mortared....screw me sitting on the sidelines.

Today has been a crappy day. It is only half over. He is asleep. Zach is sick. Jordan is at practice. Katie is still at school. I am sitting on my ass. Go me!